Going anonymous

February 18, 2008 at 4:24 pm 15 comments

Is it too late to be anonymous?

When I first started this blog, I was writing anonymously.  I didn’t mention any names, just initials of the people I was talking about.  I didn’t post any pictures, and when I finally did, you could only see my kids’ hands or their faces would be half covered.  But after a few months, I found this blog a good way to share news and pictures with family and friends and so it wasn’t anonymous anymore.

One good thing about being anonymous was that I was able to express myself freely, without worry of what people might think of my opinions and of the way I feel.  But don’t get me wrong.  Whatever I have expressed and related here have always been true and honest.  But I have to admit that there are a lot of things that I still hold back.  Because I know that people I know personally are reading this blog and I feel it’s kind of awkward to reveal everything.  You know what I mean?  I don’t know, but don’t you think that somehow it’s easier to tell the (on-line) world, people you don’t really know personally, your inner thoughts and feelings than it is to tell the people you see and deal with regularly in your personal life?  Or is it just me?

After going through my personal crisis last month, I feel that I am now ready to talk.  My friends have really been very supportive and they listened to me.  And as I talked to them about my struggle, I learned a few things.  That I am not alone in this.  Not just alone, meaning that they are just an email or phone call away if I do need to talk.  I am not alone, also meaning that there are also some of them who have somehow experienced what I have gone through.  We’ve also talked about these Filipino culture of inuman (social drinking event) and barkada (group of friends) and how they sometimes have a negative effect not just on the person but also on their families if they can’t say no to their barkada and allow themselves to drink too much.

I have been hemming and hawing about writing about this personal crisis that I went through.  To hem and haw, btw, means to hesitate.  Yes, you may borrow it if you want.  I also borrowed it from an article that I read somewhere. :)  So, I have been going back and forth.  Should I write about it?  Should I start a new blog where I can be anonymous and express myself freely?  (And I’m not even talking about that other blog which some of you have already read.)  Why do I have this need to share this personal struggle?

About going anonymous.  Well, I have already made a few changes in the blog.  The title for one.  I have replaced Journey to Honeyville with just plain niceheart.  I have also removed the My Sites page that listed all the links to my personal pages and albums.  But there are still links buried in my archives.  And I think I’ll just leave them there for now as I don’t have the time to remove all of them. 

The title Journey to Honeyville is actually kind of ironic.  You’d think that a place called Honeyville would be all sweet and lovely.  But Honeyville refers to my childhood.  When I said in my tagline that I sometimes find myself transported back to my childhood, I didn’t only mean that my children remind me of how I was when I was a child.  Yes, they do.  But my childhood was not only filled with wonder and surprises.  It was also filled with a lot of sadness and trauma.  And somehow, because of some of the choices that I made in my life, I am often reminded by all of these sad memories.  

When I shared my story about my father and my childhood in Forgiveness Comes From the Most Unexpected Place and in Don’t TOUCH Me, there were quite a few readers who reached out to me and also shared with me their experiences with their alcoholic loved ones and abusive loved ones.  I was touched as much as you were touched by my story.  Some expressed their concern if it’s all behind me now and if I have gained closure.  To tell you guys the truth, as much as I’d like to say that it’s 100 percent behind me now, there are times that it still haunts me.  One mom even came up to me and asked me if my father’s alcoholism has affected me in a bad light.  Her husband is a recovering alcoholic and she was told that children of alcoholics are affected by the effects of alcoholism somehow and it usually occurs in adulthood.  Right on.  She suggested that I join a support group called the Al-Anon, for families of recovering alcoholics.  I actually thought of joining one.  But with my ever crazy schedules, I just couldn’t fit it in my time.  So I guess, this is one of my reasons for writing this post.  I am reaching to any Al-Anon members out there, or non-members like me.  I’d like to share with you.  I need your support.  Convince me to join an Al-Anon group near my place right now.  You can drop me a line at my Contact page.   Thank you for listening to my story.  

Entry filed under: Alcoholism, Roadblocks. Tags: .

Changes None of your business

15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sesame  |  February 18, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    This is something that many of us who are blogging face. How much do we want to reveal. I think a lot of times, we feel a need to protect those around us and that’s why there’s those hemming and hawing. It’s probably easier if it’s just us.

    For me, I have been hesitant about writing too much especially since someone has made judgement about how I am when I poured my feelings without understanding my situation completely. It makes things worst that this was someone who was reading my blog for awhile and I regarded as a cyberfriend. You’re lucky you have supportive readers.

    You could also make your blog less search engine friendly if there’s concern of pple trying to search for you online.

    Reply
  • 2. Kyels  |  February 18, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    You’re not alone because honestly I feel the same about revealing issues about myself and family only to a certain extent. It is not about trust within those who read my writings because it concerns the comfortability in my being to write about my very personal dilemmas. Going anonymous is not a bad thing unless one has the thought of jeopardizing others (that’s a no-no definitely). Anyway, being an anonymous allows one to write and express themselves freely without the need of thinking about their real identity. Sometimes certain things are best kept secret or anonymous.

    I’m always hesitant when it comes to writing about myself because people tend to assume without knowing the complete story of what I’m facing and being the subject that is subjected with judgments all around it is not really rosy.

    Anyway, the past will always be the past. Memories etched within but we try hard to put it all behind so that we can live life happily. All of us are scarred; only difference is to what extent or how deep the scar is.

    Even though you’re removing personal links I’ll still be here reading and supporting you!
    😀

    Reply
  • 3. noemi  |  February 18, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    My thoughts are always with you. I hope you find an Al-anon group near your place.

    try searching here.

    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

    Reply
  • 4. Wil  |  February 19, 2008 at 12:56 am

    Dealing with a serious personal issue like alcoholism in the family ….. probably best that you join a support group. Good luck, niceheart!

    Reply
  • 5. Toe  |  February 19, 2008 at 3:22 am

    Niceheart, I pray for your strength in overcoming all your troubles. Just have faith in God because sometimes, life is too big for us to handle. We need someone to give us a hand.

    Reply
  • 6. Daphne  |  February 20, 2008 at 1:45 am

    Good luck Niceheart.
    I hope you find the help you need in that support group.

    Reply
  • 7. JO  |  February 20, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    Hi. Go join a support group! It always helps to have someone listen to your heart aches… and listening to other people on how they cope up when they were in your shoes.

    Remember, your blogger friends will always be here to listen and give you a cyberspace *hugs*.

    Godspeed!

    Reply
  • 8. verns  |  February 21, 2008 at 2:12 am

    I’m sorry to hear about your concern Niceheart. I honestly have a very limited know-how about alcoholism in the family but I read that support groups are very helpful.

    God bless.

    Reply
  • 9. kathy  |  February 22, 2008 at 3:23 am

    Although I do not leave comments as frequently as I have, I am still regularly visiting your blog.

    I think this is such a heartfelt post – and I simply couldn’t resist switching off my “lurker” mode. I understand that you are going through a personal crisis…and I could only offer words of encouragement and support.

    I believe you to be a very strong woman. You can and you will see this through, and emerge victorious in the end.

    It is not too late to be anonymous. I’m only glad that I’ve had the chance to have a glimpse of the wonderful woman who writes this blog, before she decided to go behind the veil of anonymity.

    Whatever happens, do keep on blogging with the same sincerity and honesty.

    Reply
  • 10. Hsin  |  February 22, 2008 at 8:32 am

    Hey there… time for me to crawl out from under the woodwork and say something. I know I have dropped off the radar screen for a long time now, but I still swing by ever so often, even if I don’t leave comments anymore.

    I’m so sorry to read how things have been getting more and more difficult at home. My heart goes out to you. You are such a lovely woman and a wonderful mother. You see things with such optimism and it’s sad to see how even the sweetest and kindest are not exempt from difficult trials. I can imagine it must be hard to see God right now, but I do hope that you are finding strength in Him during this time. Be strong, for your children and for yourself.

    Reply
  • 11. Matt  |  February 22, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I find it very difficult to share personal things to people I know too. I have thought that an anonymous blog would be good so I can post all sorts of my thoughts. I like how you are able to come out and share your feelings, that is something not a lot of people are able to do. I hope that during this time you will find comfort and peace.

    Cheer.s

    Reply
  • 12. julie  |  February 25, 2008 at 12:02 am

    I too am skeptical about posting info about me and my family. I may be able to see my side of things but I can’t be too sure that this is also the way people see things about me.

    I used to post photos of my children with their full faces. I have totally forgotten that bad people in the cyberworld would be able to use these in a bad light. I still do post their photos but I have resolved to use photos taken at an angle that would not make their faces visible.

    I wish you well, Niceheart, whatever it is that you are going to do, I pray for the best to happen to you and your family. I am glad I have known you for I have learned valuable lessons from you. And for that, I thank you.

    Reply
  • 13. bw  |  February 25, 2008 at 11:36 am

    There’s an advantage of being anonymous in cyberspace because you can let your heart out without any fear of people invading your privacy.

    I really laud your courage and sincerity by the way. If you feel going anonymous helps, then go for it. I wish you the best for you and your family🙂

    Reply
  • 14. Leah  |  February 27, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    I find that blogging is an outlet, its a way to blurt out what we feel and let it out to whomever want to glance over and keep reading. Anonimity is a good thing although it is hard to steer away from it. Sometimes our post can reveal so much without us knowing it.

    I hope all goes well with you Niceheart. Having someone to talk to is a good therapy. So go for it.

    And congrats in the positive changes in your life. Chin up and keep smiling.

    Reply
  • 15. mac  |  March 5, 2008 at 8:56 pm

    I do agree with bw. wishing you all the best.
    Good luck Niceheart

    Reply

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