Do you read your spouse’s mail?
I watch The View almost everyday and my favourite part of the show is the Hot Topics segment. The ladies pick any hot topic from the news or celebrity gossips and they would discuss it. They sometimes agree and they sometimes disagree. They usually have different opinions on certain topics and that’s why I like it. I enjoy watching them express and defend their opinions.
After a tumultuous season with Rosie O’Donnell last year, she left and the producers of the show replaced her with Whoopi Goldberg. And another seat on the table has been added and was filled by Sherri Shepherd. I have to admit that I was quite saddened when Rosie left. She had very strong opinions and she made the discussions quite more interesting than usual. But after watching Whoopi and Elisabeth Hasselback exchange different views and opinions in a non-confrontational way, I think I like this set of hosts better.
Well, anyway, Sherri is separated from her husband and she had mentioned this quite a few times before when she would come over to the show as guest host. Last week they were discussing about how she is going celibate now that she is separated. But that’s not what I’m discussing here now. That’s a totally different post. I was reminded of that show when she talked about how she caught her husband cheating. I knew I had written a draft on this topic. So I found myself digging through my pile of notebooks. It was one of those posts that have not been developed and have been buried because I found it hard discussing the topic without getting too personal. But I am at that point in my life now where I don’t care what people think about me anymore. Oh well, maybe I still do care. But I realize that people will think what they want to think. It’s something that I can’t control.
I found the page in one of the notebooks. I must have scribbled it there sometime around December 2006 to January 2007.
Sherri talked on The View about how she left her husband because she caught him cheating. When he was taking a shower and the sound of his computer went off, she checked his e-mail. And she saw this message from the woman he was seeing.
About three or four years ago, I was also on the computer when this message popped up. So I clicked on it and it turned out to be for my husband. It was from a woman and the message went something like this:
“Hi ____, where have you been? Did you eat already?”
Now, don’t you ask this kind of questions only to your other half, family members or close friends?
I hesitated but I answered the message:
“Hi there, ____ is not here. This is his wife.”
It took a while before another message popped up:
“Oh! Hi there.”
And she proceeded to explain that there’s nothing going on and she was just a friend.
As a matter of fact, I wasn’t really jealous. And when my husband entered the room, I asked him who this woman was. He said that he met her through some music sharing website. And that she lived in another province. And that was it. No more questions asked.
Other than that, I don’t really check his emails. Okay, probably, there was a short span of time when I did. But that was only because he wouldn’t communicate with me and I wanted to know what he had been telling his family. And what stereo component or parts he had ordered again and how much they cost because he wouldn’t tell me. But that was then. Now, I don’t bother anymore.
What about you? Do you check your spouse’s e-mail? Letters? Or do you snoop in their personal belongings.
I, for one, don’t like it when my (snail) mail is being opened. I don’t open his. I wait for him to come home and open it himself and then I take a look if I’m interested. Whether it’s a letter from his family or a statement or bill from his credit card company. So when I get a letter from one of my high school friends or cousins from back home, I don’t like anybody else opening them. They’re personal. At least let me read them first and I will let him read them if I wish to. Nobody’s opening anybody else’s letters now. I’ve got my point across.
Why do I feel this way?
Well, you see, when my sister and I were teen-agers, my mother left us to live with relatives when she went to work abroad. My mother and her sister (my aunt who looked after us) had issues with the money that my mother was sending us and there was a time when my aunt would open Mama’s letters before she handed them to us. Sis and I thought that that was such an invasion of privacy. Please don’t get me wrong. I do love my aunt dearly and I am grateful and will always be grateful to her for keeping sis and me under her wings when both our parents couldn’t be there. But I still think that opening somebody else’s letters is wrong. I don’t even open my son’s letters. I also wait for him to get home and open it himself. And of course, I also ask if I can read it. :) But I want to show him that I respect him enough to let him open his own mail.
Back to Sherri. She admitted that her husband had been through a lot. They were on fertility treatments trying to have a baby for a few years.
I also admit that my husband and I have been through rough patches in our relationship and I have not been an ideal wife. But I don’t think that should be reason enough to find comfort in outside parties. As Dr. Phil has always mentioned in his show, you have to face your spouse instead of seeking attention and love from someone else. If you can’t fix the problem and you want to leave, then leave but don’t cheat.
What do you think?
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