Can he still be my friend?

February 24, 2007 at 10:52 pm 35 comments

January 26, 2007 

Dear Mrs. Sweetlady, 

I just want to let you know that Ryland has been hurt a few times by Buddy.  Yesterday he came home with a red spot on his right cheek.  He said that Buddy pushed him and he fell on the snow.  Buddy said that he didn’t mean to push him and it was an accident.  One time, Buddy threw a snowball at Ryland and it hit him on the face.  Buddy said it was an accident.  There were also two other times when Buddy kicked Ryland on the hips and his thigh.  Buddy said on both times that it was an accident.  I told Ryland that if he gets hurt like that to tell you.  But I think he doesn’t want his friend to get in trouble.  I don’t know if Buddy didn’t really mean to hurt Ryland but I was wondering if you could please talk to him.  If you want to talk to me personally, I’ll write down my phone number here. 

Thank you very much, 

Niceheart

204-X0X0 

buddies2.jpg 

I received a phone call from Mrs. Sweetlady, Ryland’s third grade teacher, that morning.  She said that she had no idea that was happening.  She talked to Ryland first to confirm what I had written.  Then she talked to Buddy who admitted that yes, he had been rough.  She said that Buddy cried.  And I felt kind of guilty.  I also didn’t want to get him in trouble but I didn’t want Ryland to tolerate that kind of behaviour. 

I talked to Ryland the night before and told him that I had to tell his teacher how Buddy’s been treating him.  He asked me if he could still invite Buddy to his birthday party which was coming up in two weeks.  I told him that he could still invite him but he couldn’t let his friend, or anybody for that matter, treat him that way.  Buddy has been Ryland’s best buddy in school since kindergarten.  He has been over to our house quite a few times and I have met his parents who seem to be quite wonderful people.  Buddy also seemed to be a nice boy.  That is until he went to his home country over the summer.  He came back after school already started and that was when Ryland started telling me how he had been hurting my poor boy. 

I also mentioned this to Mrs. Sweetlady.  I told her that I have been thinking that maybe he’s had a hard time adjusting to his home country.  But I don’t know.  It’s just my speculations.  Why had he been treating his best buddy like that? 

Mrs. Sweetlady told Buddy and the rest of her class that they should keep their hands and feet to themselves.  And that they shouldn’t hurt each other physically or emotionally.  She told me that she would also call Buddy’s parents and let them know of the situation.  I was worried for Buddy because I also didn’t want him to get in trouble.  But at the same time, I wanted to teach Ryland that he shouldn’t let his friends treat him badly, physically and emotionally. 

When Ryland came home that afternoon, I asked him what happened after Mrs. Sweetlady talked to them.  And how Buddy took it.  He said, “We’re happy again.”  I asked, “And he didn’t hurt you again?”  He said, “No.”  And then he added, “Mommy, can he still be my friend?”  I said, “Of course.  But if he hurts you and makes you feel bad, you have to tell him – and me.”

And of course, we still invited Buddy to his 9th birthday party.

buddies1.JPG

Entry filed under: My guilt trip, My Sweet Ryland, Raising the 3Rs. Tags: .

Snow Sculptures on Broadway My very busy February

35 Comments Add your own

  • 1. JO  |  February 24, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    i hope i will not receive any complaint about my son being rough at school….

    Reply
  • 2. Cai  |  February 24, 2007 at 11:56 pm

    Awww, it’s sweet of Ryland to still want to be his friend. But yes, Buddy was too rough.

    Reply
  • 3. rhodora  |  February 25, 2007 at 1:13 am

    I’m just wondering why Buddy started acting that way since he got back from the trip to his homeland. I think It could be something he observed or experienced during that trip that somewhat caused his change in behavior. I hope he and Ryland get along well again from here on.

    Reply
  • 4. Sidney  |  February 25, 2007 at 2:43 am

    You did the right thing. Good you were able to solve the problem.
    Being bullied in school is no fun !

    Reply
  • 5. sexy mom  |  February 25, 2007 at 5:37 am

    you did the right thing in informing the teacher (also, it was good that Ryland was open to you about what has been happening). at least the situation was handled in a timely manner. i also commend the teacher for the way she handled the situation.

    that’s the beauty in young children – they forgive and forget easily.

    Reply
  • 6. Belle  |  February 25, 2007 at 10:05 am

    i would have done the same thing. i wondering that maybe, Buddy was bullied big time when he went to his homeland and saw Ryland as a person he could pick on and bully around??

    Reply
  • 7. Wil  |  February 25, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    Good thing you nipped that in the bud. Who knows? Buddy might’ve developed into a full-blown bully if you had not stepped in.

    Reply
  • 8. ann  |  February 25, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    I usually talk to the parents maybe because pare-parehong pinoy at magkakakilala halos.

    Maybe Buddy thinks it’s just part of their game, pero nakakasakit na.

    Reply
  • 9. bw  |  February 25, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    Part of the trials and tribulations of a young man growing up. Good for you that you addressed it with the teacher. BTW, how can Ryan’s teacher NOT be nice? She’s Mrs. Sweetlady remember ? hehe🙂

    Reply
  • 10. watson  |  February 25, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    The trust and innocence of children… if we all do not hold grudges against each other, it will be easier to forgive and forget.

    And the loving guidance of parents… where will we be without it?

    Reply
  • 11. niceheart  |  February 25, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    JO, is your son rough at home? I think it’s important that we always remind them to be nice to people.

    Cai, Ryland is really the sweetest boy. And I’m not saying that just because he is my child.🙂

    Rhodora, who knows what happened on his vacation? I also think that it has a lot to do with his experience over there. Or maybe troubles at home.

    Sidney, it really is no fun to be bullied. And I’m glad that he was able to tell me that and I just had to make sure it stopped.

    Sexymom, I usually ask him how his day was at school and it was during one of our conversations that it came up and he told me what’s been happening. I’m really glad that he can easily open up to me. His two older brothers are not like that. They would usually say, “I don’t want to talk about it.” But it’s different with Ryland.

    Reply
  • 12. bugsybee  |  February 25, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    I am happy this story has a happy ending … I hope their friendship never ends. How wonderful for kids to appreciate friendship so early in their lives.

    I also admire the way you handled this, niceheart. In my school, I have heard many horror stories about how moms handled their children’s complaints which, instead of mending things, only served to aggravate the situation.

    Reply
  • 13. niceheart  |  February 25, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    Belle, it’s possible that he could have been bullied back there. And isn’t it true that even for adults, we choose the closest person to us to pick on.

    Wil, I think it’s important to tell people if they are being mean. This gives them a chance to reflect on their deeds. Even for children.

    Reply
  • 14. niceheart  |  February 26, 2007 at 12:03 am

    Ann, nahihiya kasi ako dun sa parents nung bata. Hindi ko malaman kung paano ko sasabihin. The night before pa naman nung bago ko sulatan yung teacher eh tumawag pa yung bata dito sa bahay at pinapupunta si Ryland dun sa bahay nila para maglaro. Sabi ko naman ay walang maghahatid. Pero hindi ko pa rin kinausap ang magulang. Saka hindi kasi English ang first language nila baka kako hindi ako masyadong maintindihan at baka masamain pa.

    Reply
  • 15. niceheart  |  February 26, 2007 at 12:10 am

    BW, that’s why I named her Mrs. Sweetlady. I didn’t want to use their real names. 🙂 She is such a nice and very soft-spoken person. Actually, she’s Filipina. Came here when she was five, I think. Doesn’t speak Tagalog, but she says that she understands some.

    Watson, we can also learn a lot from our children, that’s for sure.

    Bugsybee, I also hope their friendship lasts longer and gets better after this incident. And thank you. I, for one, am not a troublemaker. That’s why I left it to the teacher. She’s very nice naman kasi and I knew she would also do the right thing.

    Reply
  • 16. ladybug  |  February 26, 2007 at 12:52 am

    Another great parenting advice which I hope to keep in mind when my son is old enough to go to school. You really handled the situation well. I’m glad they could still be friends afterwards. 😀

    Reply
  • 17. vic  |  February 26, 2007 at 12:55 am

    That is what teacher for. They are not just teachers to teach the kids the abc, but they are mothers, fathers, guidance councillors and big brothers and sisters put into one. They are the whole package. So what you did telling Ryan teacher is Right and always the first thing to do for schoolchildren when it comes to school issues. Trust them…

    Reply
  • 18. Gypsy  |  February 26, 2007 at 1:15 am

    I really admire the way you handled this sensitive issue…but I guess mommy wisdom goes with the territory! Sweet post–and educational.🙂

    Reply
  • 19. ipanema  |  February 26, 2007 at 1:50 am

    It’s sad that a best friend turns into a bully. Good you were quick to act! And more kudos to Ryland – a friend indeed!

    Reply
  • 20. sesame  |  February 26, 2007 at 2:29 am

    Awww…both of them are so sweet. Especially Ryland. He’s so gracious. It must have been kind of a bit difficult of two of them but still, good that you raised the flag.

    Reply
  • 21. verns  |  February 26, 2007 at 2:36 am

    Oh I think Buddy underwent something during his vacation that resulted to the sudden change in his behavior.

    I hope Buddy won’t hurt Ryland again.

    Reply
  • 22. Kyels  |  February 26, 2007 at 7:18 am

    You did what all mothers would do. And I hope that Ryland does not get hurt anymore.

    (:

    Reply
  • 23. analyse  |  February 26, 2007 at 12:44 pm

    your son is so sweet to forgive and forget just like that.. i commend the teacher for having treated the situation really well.. hope everything’s ok with the buddies now..

    Reply
  • 24. niceheart  |  February 26, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    Ladybug, you’re having a boy? That’s cool. Yeah, I’m also glad that they are still friends.

    Vic, you are right. That’s why teaching is really a noble vocation, no?

    Thanks, Gypsy. Yes, as a mommy, my instinct is to protect my child.

    It’s really sad Ipanema. On the other hand, I think this is a good lesson on friendship for both of them.

    Reply
  • 25. niceheart  |  February 26, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    Sesame, just tonight I asked Ryland again if Buddy has been rough with him lately. He said, “No, I think he already forgot about it.” They do forgive and forget easily. Which is really nice.

    Verns, I hope so, too.

    Kyels, I think it’s every mother’s instinct to protect her child.

    Analyse, I am also thankful for the teacher for addressing it in a proper manner. And yeah, I think everything’s okay now.

    Reply
  • 26. eric aka senor enrique  |  February 27, 2007 at 1:36 am

    I’m glad you wrote that letter to his teacher. Buddy’s hurtful actions could be the beginning of a bully attitude. I don’t like bullies at all.

    Reply
  • 27. Lazarus  |  February 27, 2007 at 6:13 am

    some kids are willing to be pushed by their buddies. Some are just willing to bully others.

    A very good lesson here niceheart. The bullying may affect ryland’s self esteem someday if you did not put a stop to it.

    Reply
  • 28. Ms Fair Face  |  February 27, 2007 at 7:25 am

    i think it is a good lesson on forgiveness as well.

    Reply
  • 29. haze  |  February 27, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Even if Buddy is his friend Ryland should not let his friend or other to harm him. You are right that Ryland should tell you what’s happening co’z you do not know what his friend or the others are capable of. Ryland is a very nice boy and I hope that he must learn to defend himself if needed !

    I had the same problem with my boy, when he feels that the child is aggressive he just walk away when he started schooling! But sometimes defending themselves doesn’t mean that they are violent or a bad boy !

    Reply
  • 30. Leah  |  February 27, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    That was a very brave and rightful thing to do by writing the teacher.

    Reply
  • 31. niceheart  |  February 27, 2007 at 11:47 pm

    Eric, I hate bullies too. And yeah, it could probably be the beginning of something really worse.

    Lazarus, that’s what I didn’t want. For Ryland to have a low self esteem.

    Ms Fair Face, yes I agree.

    Haze, I do encourage him to talk to me if there’s anything bothering him.

    Leah, I just had to do what my instincts tell me.

    Reply
  • 32. bingskee  |  March 1, 2007 at 8:35 am

    ryland is a sweet little boy. he treasures friendship.

    Reply
  • 33. Rach  |  March 3, 2007 at 7:53 am

    Thanks for sharing that story. Ryland has a big heart. I think it’s wonderful that he was able to set aside those rough incidents and maintain his friendship with Buddy.

    Reply
  • 34. niceheart  |  March 4, 2007 at 11:07 pm

    Bing, he is really a sweetheart. And I hope that he continues to treasure his friendships in the future.

    Rach, you’re welcome. Ryland is really a compassionate human being.

    Reply
  • 35. A Doll Story « Journey to Honeyville  |  September 3, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    […] I never felt disappointed by having a third boy.  And look at him now.  He is just the sweetest boy I ever knew.  Now, that got me […]

    Reply

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