He’s at that age

February 4, 2007 at 11:40 pm 33 comments

regfriends1.jpgOver the Christmas holidays, my 17-year old son, Reggie, had been invited over by his friends to their houses for a birthday party, a Christmas party, and a couple of times, to just hang out.

The first one was a birthday party for his friend A who was turning 18.  And this was written in small print at the bottom of the invitation:

“I would like to remind certain people that I have some Mennonite blood and just because I’m reaching legal drinking age doesn’t mean I should ignore my heritage.”

I know that was just written in jest.  But I still asked him if there would be drinking at the party.  And he casually said, “No.”  And I believed and trusted him. His friend’s dad was giving him a ride and I told him that he shouldn’t let anybody who had been drinking drive him.  I told him to call us if he would ever need a ride home.

And so at around 7:00 p.m., his ride came.  When I came downstairs, Reggie has already gone outside and my husband was looking out the window.  He said, “ I think that’s your son’s girlfriend.”  I thought, what girlfriend?  His friend was a girl and got out of the car to come and get him.  I knew my husband was just teasing me but the word girlfriend irritated me.  “You should have driven him instead,” I snapped at him.

Girlfriend?  I wasn’t aware of any girlfriend.  I knew he has a friend B, who’s a girl and is also in band who once in a while calls here at home but she’s kind of tomboyish and it doesn’t bother me.  But the name of this girl C who picked him up at home sounds like a girlie kind of girl and now that my husband’s calling him a girlfriend, it bothers me.  I know that he’s already 17 and there are kids younger than him who’s already dating but I’m not so sure if I’m ready for that yet.  I mean, this is my son and to think that he’s gonna have a girlfriend, I don’t know how I would handle that.  A few years ago, if my mother would ask him if he has a girlfriend yet, he would answer no and would say that girls are just a distraction.  A distraction to his passion in music. But I know that he’s at that age now.  And of course, if she is indeed the girlfriend, I’m sure I’d be okay with it.  There’s just a tiny pinch in my heart that hurts to let go.

One more thing about these parties:  His friends are turning 18, the legal drinking age and he won’t be 18 until next November.  So, I’m a little bit worried that he might be tempted to take a few sips of alcohol here and there.  I know that parents have different views on letting their kids drink.  But I’ve always told my children that drinking‘s not good, along with smoking and taking drugs.  I have concerns because my father was an alcoholic and my husband drinks and I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person if they’ve had too much.  I know that drinking in moderation is okay.  Reggie hasn’t shown any interest in alcohol yet, none that I have seen.  But you know how peer pressure can be.  And if he decides to drink, I hope after he’s turned 18, I guess I would just remind him to drink only in moderation.

A few nights after his friend A’s birthday party, his friends D and E came over.  After a few minutes, he asked if he could go over to friend D’s house.  “Who’s driving?” I asked.  “Friend D is.  He just got his license today,” he replied.  I turned to friend D and asked, “Are you a good driver?”  He said, “Yes.”  Of course he must be, otherwise, his parents would not have let him drive their car.

Friend D is also 17.  Legal driving age here in Manitoba is 16.  Reggie hasn’t shown any interest in driving yet.  But I’m sure he will soon.  And that’s another case of letting go. 

Entry filed under: My life as a mom, Raising the 3Rs. Tags: .

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished Of cold spells and 12-year-olds

33 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sexy mom  |  February 4, 2007 at 11:53 pm

    time flies so fast, that before we know it, our little boy has turned into a teen, then the teen to a young adult, then he goes off to start a family. at least, stage by stage, we learn the art of letting go, even though sometimes it is kinda difficult. like driving, it’s difficult for me, but soon, i have to let go of my sons to drive by themselves. oh! to be a mother takes a lot of courage!

    Reply
  • 2. Kyels  |  February 5, 2007 at 12:00 am

    Time flies and I guess we ought to accept the fact that they are growing up. I may not be a parent yet but I am seeing with my own eyes how my brothers are growing up.

    It does hurt if one day they come running, and telling me that they already have a girlfriend because I’d still like to regard them as my little brothers.

    But we all will let them go, sooner or later because we all grow.

    (:

    Reply
  • 3. rhodora  |  February 5, 2007 at 12:05 am

    Oh, welcome to the club, Niceheart! Hahaha!

    My two boys are in their 20s na, so I don’t worry as much about girlfriends anymore. Beterano na sila. Hahaha!

    But my daughter is 16 – oh, and blooming so beautifully, I need to be watchful, (shoo away the boys) coz you know – mas mahirap magpalaki ng anak na babae! She will be in college in Manila by June, and I told hubby, hindi ako papayag na hindi ko siya sasamahan. We live in Dagupan City, Pangasinan by the way.

    I can see you raise your sons well, Niceheart. You should feel proud!

    Reply
  • 4. sesame  |  February 5, 2007 at 12:59 am

    I guess it can be slightly difficult to reconcile when our kids grow up and they start to have a g/f or b/f. But this is just the initial realisation which probably explains your slight pinch in the heart. It’ll become better I suppose.

    Reply
  • 5. bw  |  February 5, 2007 at 5:44 am

    Things that shock us when our kids grow older🙂 My philosophy is no girlfriend until the age of 18. That’s the official age of accountability, when the person is considered an adult and he can support himself, and do things by himself legally. In Canada, when you child turns 18, the school wouldn’t even answer you if you call and ask for his/her whereabouts 🙂

    Reply
  • 6. Major Tom  |  February 5, 2007 at 6:24 am

    I can see that parenting can be a real challenge when one has teenage kids. I can see myself some years from now having the same predicament as you are right now. I think there are things that is so much difficult to restrict, only to moderate. But like you, I believe that being too cautious will do the kids well. It’s their future that we should protect.

    Reply
  • 7. kathy  |  February 5, 2007 at 6:25 am

    I’m happy that I don’t have to deal with those issues yet…:) But as we say, time flies so fast, it won’t be too long before there are manliligaws knocking on our door. Ayayay…

    Reply
  • 8. Sunshine  |  February 5, 2007 at 8:55 am

    Ooh, poor you.😦
    I think your 17-year old son is smart. He probably wont drink until he is allowed to. Many teenagers is against tobaco and alcohol. I know because I’m one of them.🙂

    Reply
  • 9. vic  |  February 5, 2007 at 9:05 am

    Be prepared for it and more niceheart.. lucky for me to just say them, but I also have two nephews and the bibs getting there and who might have been there already.. Actually one ot the boys was already of legal drinking age in pinas,but california has a rather older legal age of 21 so back to being illegal. driving is 18, but can start at 16 with school and parents “approval”.

    But my advice to the kids, don’t rush up, you’re only a kid once and get the most of it. and gladly they listen, but sometimes too expensive for me…

    Reply
  • 10. Cai  |  February 5, 2007 at 10:04 am

    Hi Niceheart,

    Reggie seems like a good kid. I’m sure he’ll turn out fine if you trust him. And if he makes mistakes, he’ll learn from them.

    Reply
  • 11. pining  |  February 5, 2007 at 11:49 am

    Hi niceheart🙂 I think you’re lucky to have a kid like Reggie, I think he’s matured enough not to get into trouble. You built a good foundation for him so he’ll probably think twice before doing anything in haste

    Reply
  • 12. haze  |  February 5, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    It’s always easy to give advices because people are not in your situation. My kids are still very very young and if i were in your place I would surely feel the same.

    You have educated them well Niceheart. I am sure that they know what is right from wrong, what are your rules, and their limitations and the only thing that we parents can do is trust them. If you feel that they are doing something against the house rules then I guess it’s time to have a talk and put everything on the table. Or you could always apply the Reverse Psychology Method🙂 . Goodluck Niceheart !

    Reply
  • 13. eric aka senor enrique  |  February 5, 2007 at 6:50 pm

    We all grew up with no girlfriend rule until after college, but nonetheless, our parents encouraged us to develop our social skills.

    I’ve a feeling your Reggie is more dedicated to his music at this time; that a more serious infatuation with a female will come later on during his adulhood. Come to think of it, as he becomes a more accomplished artist, the more women will be attracted to him. Better he wait for the ideal girl, for they will naturally gravitate toward his direction, no doubt🙂

    Reply
  • 14. Toe  |  February 5, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Why do they have to grow older?! Why can’t they just stay as kids?! 🙂

    Seriously Niceheart, Reggie seems like a good responsible kid. I don’t think you need to worry about him.

    Reply
  • 15. verns  |  February 5, 2007 at 9:47 pm

    I pray that Regie will always remember your teachings, the values that you and your husband instilled in him🙂

    Reply
  • 16. cruise247  |  February 5, 2007 at 10:24 pm

    dont worry niceheart, look slike your son is a good person. he may experience peer pressure but looks like he will stand to what he knew what is right.

    Reply
  • 17. sasha  |  February 5, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    Reggie looks like a good man and I think he’ll be responsible enough when the time comes he’ll become interested with alcohol. And you’re there to remind him from time to time so I do think everything will turn out fine with your son.

    God bless, niceheart!

    Reply
  • 18. eric aka senor enrique  |  February 5, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    Excuse me for this out of topic: Irene, your email server rejects both my gmail and yahoo email addresses. I will try later with a Hotmail account. Grrr!

    Reply
  • 19. Belle  |  February 6, 2007 at 12:05 am

    niceheart,

    my two daughters drove at 16. i was worried of course, and at one point in time, I became paranoid that everytime I heard a police siren, i was terrified. one time, my daughter A sideswiped a mercedenz benz in a parking lot and had to pay a hefty amount of money for repair. it was an eye opener for her and made her become a better driver.

    on the contrary and this may sound funny to you but my husband seems to push my daughter S, who is now a sophomore in college, to find a bf. he said, now is the best time to start looking because(he said) if she waits til she reaches senior, she would have difficulty finding men because by then men her age would either be in a relationship or are dating younger girls. does anyone of you agree with my husband’s thinking?

    Reply
  • 20. Gypsy  |  February 6, 2007 at 12:30 am

    Niceheart, when I was younger I didn’t understand why my mom was fussing over me and being so protective. On hindsight, and having seen what has happened to some of my peers, I am grateful. But then again, you are right, there is that Trust and Letting Go thing that needs to happen..may the Lord grant you wisdom to find the balance!

    Reply
  • 21. Wil  |  February 6, 2007 at 1:54 am

    I never had a girlfriend until i was……ahhh, never mind. It’s too embarassing. 😀 My brothers had better luck than me. My little bro had his first girlfriend in 7th grade while my older brother was in 8th grade. Me? Don’t ask. 😉 Sooner or later, your son will probably have one, too…unless he already has one and is keeping it secret. :-O

    Reply
  • 22. mmy-lei  |  February 6, 2007 at 6:03 am

    i know how you feel about the vices.

    Just want to share these info: while studying, i dont go for vices and i dont want to fail my dad and mom. good thing was, my parent trusted me so much about these issues and they dont nag me about it so in return, i obeyed them.

    I started drinking and smoking late, but i know my responsibilities.

    Reply
  • 23. niceheart  |  February 6, 2007 at 11:23 pm

    Thank you for all the comments everyone. And sorry for the late response. I’ve been reading your comments but have been too tired to reply. All those nights of staying up late is finally catching up on me. Or it’s probably the extreme weather we’re experiencing now. We’re in the deep freeze again.

    To the moms who have older kids than me and who have been through this phase: sexy mom, rhodora, belle – thank you for sharing your experiences too and assuring me that this feeling will go away. And yes, rhodora, I know years from now I will also laugh at myself for feeling this way.🙂 Belle, I think I will be like you. I’m also paranoid when it comes to the kids. The first few times I let Reggie ride the bus was a nerve-wracking experience for me. What more when he’s already driving.

    To the other parents who have younger kids or don’t have kids yet, I hope I haven’t scared or discouraged you. Just last week, I was reading a blogger’s post about her first trimester of pregnancy. She was wondering why nobody told her that it could be that bad. She only heard about the joys of motherhood and everybody seems to have forgotten to talk about the pain that goes with it. So here you go, DR. And you’re right. It’s probably because the happiness does outweigh the pains and sufferings.

    Reply
  • 24. TK  |  February 7, 2007 at 3:05 am

    now I understand the preceding post… “Nature does not hurry…”

    Reply
  • 25. KD  |  February 7, 2007 at 3:31 am

    When I was younger, my dad always tell me not to smoke, not to drink etc etc without even explaining the reasons why. “Just don’t do it he says..period”. That made more more curious and pushed me to find out by my self what are the out lying consequences.

    I guess what’s important is as a parent, you have a good communication & relationship with your kids and you trust them. And for sure God will do the rest.

    Reply
  • 26. zeroimpact  |  February 7, 2007 at 5:56 am

    He’s growing up and I’m sure you have groomed him well
    And I’m sure he knows how much you love him and the messages and intentions you have🙂
    I’m sure he understands

    Reply
  • 27. bingskee  |  February 7, 2007 at 9:10 am

    very normal to feel like that – a pinch that will not go away til such time you’d learn to accept that your kid is not a kid anymore.

    i believe that your son will not do anything to bring you down. not for a mother like you.🙂

    Reply
  • 28. ann  |  February 7, 2007 at 7:55 pm

    I don’t know why kd allows my 2 boys to have a crush, pero pag yung girl ko hindi raw pwede…hehehe. Maybe you’ll have a greater fear if Reggie is a girl. Mas mahirap yata pag babae.

    Reply
  • 29. tin  |  February 9, 2007 at 2:48 am

    A protective mother. :p after few more years, your Reggie will meet his partner, and that will be another pinch. I hope you’ll get ready for that.🙂

    Reply
  • 30. watson  |  February 9, 2007 at 4:32 am

    Masyado bang mabilis ang mga pangyayari, Niceheart? Ako rin nagugulat sa anak ko, and he’s only 1 year 7 months!

    Reply
  • 31. Sidney  |  February 9, 2007 at 5:03 am

    You are like my wife!😉
    I think we should give our children the trust they deserve. Anyway, one day the will fly away… that is life.
    For a parent it IS painful but also something rewarding to see that they grew up as a responsible young people. At that stage you can only wish you showed them the right path to follow in life.

    Reply
  • 32. niceheart  |  February 10, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    Thanks again for the comments, everyone.🙂

    Reply
  • 33. Cutting the umbilical cord « Journey to Honeyville  |  December 2, 2007 at 11:58 pm

    […] camps, going on the transit bus by himself (now you know which particular one I’m referring to), partying, dating, saying goodbye at the airport so he could experience his dreams of being a jazz musician, etc, […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Tweet!


%d bloggers like this: