How I’m doing as a mother

June 13, 2006 at 10:39 pm 15 comments

The other morning, my kids and I were frantically searching for Ryland’s library book.  I was already running late for work.  I remembered the night before that it was library day and had planned to put the book in his backpack before I went to bed.  But I got sidetracked on the internet and forgot about it.  It turned out that the book was not in the drawer where he usually keeps it.  It has been misplaced.  I could have turned the house upside down and found it that morning but I didn’t want to miss my bus.  So I told his brothers to help him find it and if they didn’t Ryland would just have to apologize to the librarian and he would return the book the following day when we find it. 

I felt guilty as I rode my bus that morning.  It was not the first time one of my kids missed bringing their books on library day.  I can be forgetful at times and my kids know that.  Sometimes I tell them to remind me things.  I am a very busy mother.  I get pre-occupied and absent-minded.  I’ve switched their school lunches, forgotten to give them money on Popsicle Fridays and sometimes missed deadlines for paying fees.  They’re not too happy when these happen. 

When I arrived at work that same morning, I called home with a calmer voice.  They found the book.  And I was the one who misplaced it.  Oops.  I moved the book from its usual place and it got buried under a pile of paper.  

Recently, I’ve read a blogger’s post about how she doesn’t think that her mother is the best one but this blogger acknowledges that her mother tries her best to make her family happy.  Although I don’t know this blogger personally, I felt kind of sad for her and the mother.  Of course, she was just being honest.  But as a mother, I know how frustrating it can be when I think I’m giving my all to my kids to make them happy and yet there are times when they still get disappointed. 

There was also a time when I didn’t think that my mother was doing the right things – the right decisions in life, not just for herself but also for both my sister and me.  But she had it tough.  She was in a difficult position being a single parent. And I never really thought of it as her not being a good mother.  My mother was a very hardworking person.  She still is.  I have always held her in high regard although we had our misunderstandings and falling-apart especially when I was still a teen-ager. 

Lately, I’ve also been trying to assess myself as a mother.  I’ve been very busy these past couple of years with work and with the kids’ activities that sometimes I feel like I’m slacking in my responsibilities to my children. I’m quite often tired and I get pretty irritable when I’m exhausted. My kids know that though, and I explain myself to them when I catch myself raising my voice.   

I let them join the different activities that they are interested in.  Like for instance, last year, my two younger boys signed up for the Spring Basketball League.  And Reggie is always joining different jazz and band camps and attending and performing in jazz concerts.  I want them to be happy, but at the same time, going to these activities can sometimes make me exhausted especially if they’re happening one after the other.    

I love my kids and I want to devote as much time to them as possible.  But there are times when I also want to have “me time.”  I usually get this at night when they are all tucked in bed.  This is when I read my books, watch my taped shows, or go on the internet.  But sometimes even that time is not enough and I do my “me time” when they are doing their own thing and don’t need my attention.  I also sometimes feel guilty when I spend time a lot of time on the computer instead of playing with them, or when I pretend I’m listening to Ryland when I’m reading something interesting on the net.

The other night, I was checking one of my sons’ school agenda when I came upon his homework and read what he wrote. 

My mother in her spare time does chores, uses the computer, reads a book or takes a nap.  My mom is already perfect to me.  I don’t have to do anything to make her perfect.  If I could change one thing about my mom it would be that she could remember better so I don’t have to forget it.” 

I think he gave me an above average rating as a mom, don’t you think?  Not bad, huh?  And this came from the child who complains the most, demands a lot, and challenges me the most as a mother.   

I don’t strive to be a perfect mom or be the best mother but I try my best to love, look after, protect, support, educate and nurture my children. 

I share my experiences as a mother here in this site and also to friends when I talk to them.  Some say that I am a good mother.  Thank you very much if you think so.  But I think that my children are the best judges of how good or bad a mother I am.  Some people may think otherwise.  But as for me, it’s what my kids think and feel about me that matters the most.

Entry filed under: My guilt trip, My life as a mom, Raising the 3Rs. Tags: .

The Office Forgiveness Comes From the Most Unexpected Place

15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. myepinoy  |  June 14, 2006 at 3:15 pm

    I consider “Mothers” as one of the greatest persons that ever lived in the whole wide world. There is no denying the fact that they really are.

    As a young person, there were instances that we thought (sometimes) our mothers are not doing the right things. I guess this is because of our limited knowledge of how it is to be a mother or what life is in general.

    My belief is that, if mothers are not suitable for the job, why God gave them that special ability to bring forth children to life. Why not us, the male species.

    I am not saying (in general terms) that all mothers are perfect. They are humans too and as such, they have imperpections like all human beiings.

    Wala ka dapat ikabahala. Kita naman ang ebidensya.

    Mabuhay ka!

    “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it”. — Mark Twain

    Reply
  • 2. ann  |  June 14, 2006 at 6:01 pm

    We want all the best for our kids but we can’t be perfect at all times. As of now, my kids appreciate what I am doing for them, I just don’t know for the years to come.

    Reply
  • 3. sesame  |  June 14, 2006 at 9:02 pm

    I can understand how you’re feeling. It’s very hard for us women especially cos I feel to a large extent, most of us are perfectionist sand want our lives, including our family’s, to be perfect.

    You have a lot on your plate and it’s understandable to slip up at times. The thing is to let it go and remember not to repeat it. The kids may be disappointed at those times, but they will understand eventually as they grow up.

    Reply
  • 4. vina  |  June 15, 2006 at 4:16 am

    i’m sure your kids understand, Ms. Niceheart! they are intelligent and mature enough to realize that you are not perfect, but that you are trying your best to be the best mother for them. you have your hands full with work and with family matter, but your hands, your heart, and everything else that you have will always be for them.

    Reply
  • 5. niceheart  |  June 15, 2006 at 11:03 pm

    Thank you, myepinoy. I like that quote. As much as those “troubles” give mothers a headache, they somehow spice up our everyday life.🙂

    Ann, isn’t it a great feeling when you see the twinkle in your kids’ eyes and hear them say “Thank you, mommy.”

    Sesame, I know any mother somehow feels this way too.

    And yes, Vina, I do know that my kids understand my shortcomings.

    Thanks guys for the comments.

    Reply
  • 6. Joy  |  June 15, 2006 at 11:11 pm

    Awww… I think that what your son wrote about you says it all. You are a great mom to them and they appreciate you. I think often times, we are our worst critic. So, it is really encouraging and uplifting to see or hear our kids (and hubby) appreciate our efforts to be the best mom we can be.

    Reply
  • 7. Toe  |  June 16, 2006 at 12:32 pm

    Niceheart, that story about the library book is so funny. 🙂 Your son’s homework is very touching.

    Reply
  • 8. jane  |  June 17, 2006 at 3:16 am

    I know you are doing your best for your kids. And your son is going to be a great person someday because you are raising him well. 🙂

    Reply
  • 9. niceheart  |  June 17, 2006 at 5:57 pm

    I think you’re right, Joy. We are sometimes our worst critic. And appreciation does count a lot.

    The library book incident seems funny now, Toe. 🙂 I did apologize to them later.

    Thanks, Jane. I really hope that they turn out well.

    Reply
  • 10. Eric  |  June 18, 2006 at 8:17 am

    I believe you’re doing a wonderful job in nurturing the boys. You are a wonderful mother. That’s all I have to say!🙂

    Reply
  • 11. niceheart  |  June 19, 2006 at 12:11 am

    Thank you, Eric.

    Reply
  • 12. earthember  |  June 20, 2006 at 4:16 pm

    That’s a wonderful assessment from your son! I wonder if my daughters think of me as an above average mom.

    Reply
  • 13. niceheart  |  June 20, 2006 at 11:59 pm

    I’m sure they do, Ange.

    Reply
  • 14. Hsin  |  June 21, 2006 at 7:34 am

    We all try so hard to be the best moms we can be, but I think we forget we’re human too – we need our own time, we will lose our tempers and we can’t do everything. It’s enough to know that your sons think you’re doing a good job because as you say, they are ultimately the ones who matter.

    Reply
  • 15. niceheart  |  June 21, 2006 at 9:03 pm

    Setting aside time for ourselves is really important, Hsin. I think every mothers know that. But sometimes it can be also hard to find that time that’s why we shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help.

    Reply

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