On losing my concentration

February 21, 2005 at 10:47 pm 2 comments

According to an article in a magazine: When you start having children, your level of concentration goes down.

I can attest to that.

I used to switch our bagged lunches (my kids’ and mine) and sometimes I would wake up in the morning and wonder if it was a school day or not. These things rarely happen now since I am more relaxed now that I am working at home.

Two more experiences come to mind.

When Reggie was still a baby, I once got up in the middle of the night to make him a bottle of milk. Instead of pouring the hot water in the bottle, I poured it in the can of Enfalac. Luckily, I have poured only a little bit of water on the powdered milk when I came back to my senses. Only the top was touched with water. I was able to save the rest of the can.

When Ryland was about 2, the kids and I went to Cartown, which was at that time just a few blocks away from our place. Before we left, I made sure that my camera was in my purse. When we got to Cartown, I searched for my camera but I couldn’t find it. So I hurriedly went back home, pushing Ryland in the stroller. I left Reggie, then 10 and Ryan, then 6, with the other kids. When I got home, I frantically searched for the camera. When I couldn’t find it, I checked my purse. Lo and behold, it was right there at the bottom all this time. Ryland and I went back flying to Cartown just in time. The activities just started. I took lots of pictures.

Entry filed under: My life as a mom. Tags: .

My guilt trip Hoping for a miracle

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Journey to Honeyville » How I’m doing as a mother  |  June 13, 2006 at 10:39 pm

    […] The other morning, my kids and I were frantically searching for Ryland’s library book.  I was already running late for work.  I remembered the night before that it was library day and had planned to put the book in his backpack before I went to bed.  But I got sidetracked on the internet and forgot about it.  It turned out that the book was not in the drawer where he usually keeps it.  It has been misplaced.  I could have turned the house upside down and found it that morning but I didn’t want to miss my bus.  So I told his brothers to help him find it and if they didn’t Ryland would just have to apologize to the librarian and he would return the book the following day when we find it. I felt guilty as I rode my bus that morning.  It was not the first time one of my kids missed bringing their books on library day.  I can be forgetful at times and my kids know that.  Sometimes I tell them to remind me things.  I am a very busy mother.  I get pre-occupied and absent-minded.  I’ve switched their school lunches, forgotten to give them money on Popsicle Fridays and sometimes missed deadlines for paying fees.  They’re not too happy when these happen. When I got to work that same morning, I called home with a calmer voice.  They found the book.  And I was the one who misplaced it.  Oops.  I moved the book from its usual place and it got buried under a pile of paper.  Recently, I’ve read a blogger’s post about how she doesn’t think that her mother is the best one but this blogger acknowledges that her mother tries her best to make her family happy.  Although I don’t know this blogger personally, I felt kind of sad for her and the mother.  Of course, she was just being honest.  But as a mother, I know how frustrating it can be when I think I’m giving my all to my kids to make them happy and yet there are times when I still disappoint them. There was also a time when I didn’t think that my mother was doing the right things in life – the right decisions, not just for herself but also for both my sister and me.  But she had it tough.  She was in a difficult position being a single parent. And I never really thought of it as her not being a good mother.  My mother was a very hardworking person.  She still is.  I have always held her in high regard although we had our misunderstandings and falling-apart especially when I was still a teen-ager. Lately, I’ve also been trying to assess myself as a mother.  I’ve been very busy these past couple of years with work and with the kids’ activities that sometimes I feel like I’m slacking in my responsibilities to my children. I’m quite often tired and I get pretty irritable when I’m exhausted. My kids know that though, and I explain myself to them when I catch myself raising my voice.   I let them join the different activities that they are interested in.  Like for instance, last year, my two younger boys signed up for the Spring Basketball League.  And Reggie is always joining different jazz and band camps and attending and performing in jazz concerts.  I want them to be happy, but at the same time, going to these activities can sometimes make me exhausted especially if they’re happening one after the other.    I love my kids and I want to devote as much time to them as possible.  But there are times when I also want to have “me time.”  I usually get this at night when they are all tucked in bed.  This is when I read my books, watch my taped shows, or go on the internet.  But sometimes even that time is not enough and I do my “me time” when they are doing their own thing and don’t need my attention.  I also sometimes feel guilty when I spend time on the computer instead of playing with them, or when I pretend I’m listening to Ryland when I’m reading something interesting on the net.  The other night, I was checking one of my sons’ school agenda when I came upon his homework and read what he wrote. “My mother in her spare time does chores, uses the computer, reads a book or takes a nap.  My mom is already perfect to me.  I don’t have to do anything to make her perfect.  If I could change one thing about my mom it would be that she could remember better so I don’t have to forget it.” I think he gave me an above average rating as a mom, don’t you think?  Not bad, huh?  And this came from the child who complains the most, demands a lot, and challenges me the most as a mother.   I don’t strive to be perfect or be the best but I try my best to love, look after, protect, support, educate and nurture my children. I share my experiences as a mother here in this site and also to friends when I talk to them.  Some say that I am a good mother.  Thank you very much if you think so.  But I think that my children are the best judges of how good or bad a mother I am.  Some people may think otherwise.  But as for me, it’s what my kids think and feel about me that matters the most. […]

    Reply
  • 2. Pick Up The Pieces « Journey to Honeyville  |  October 20, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    […] really run because I was wearing my two-inch platform sandals. This wasn’t the first time I had to leave the kids someplace and hurry back home because I forgot something.   Sign of getting old or just too pre-occupied?  I was still a block away from home and I was […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Tweet!


%d bloggers like this: