I just realized . . .

“Mommy, I have a headache. Can you call the school?” That was my 13-year old son on Monday morning. “Ay naku, Ryland,” I said, “there’s only 4 days of school left. You go take a shower now and I’ll give you Tylenol.” So he went to school, without the Tylenol. He was fine. He didn’t really have a headache.

This school year, he had quite a few absences. I kinda had a feeling that sometimes he just didn’t want to go to school and he’d tell me that he wasn’t feeling well. I had been lenient with him and his brothers because I know that it has not been an easy year for them. And I also feel guilty for putting them through these hard times because of the separation with their dad. Although I know I shouldn’t feel guilty because they know the reason why I did it, and they know that it’s all for the best. One other reason I feel guilty is not being at home as much as I want to because I have these two jobs. But I try to be there as much as I can. And I know they understand that I’m doing this for them.

That night at the dinner table, I told Ryland, “You know what, I just realized that you were probably not really sick those days that you would tell me that you were.” Then my 17-year old blurted out, “I already knew that. I was laughing in my bed when I heard him this morning.” Yeah right. Because this one had quite a few absences too. Ah these boys. They got me fooled. “Oh you guys. This can’t go on. Things are gonna change next year!”

My Minnesota Trip – On The Road

July 7, 2009, Tuesday 12:41 am

Dear Kitty,

I’m going on a trip from Winnipeg to Minnesota to visit Auntie D and Uncle Sparkie with Mama tomorrow, well it’s already tomorrow, so actually, in just a few hours. This is the first time I’m going outside of Canada in a very long time. 18 years to be exact. I would have loved to take a trip with the family. But none of them would want to come with me. Well, that’s mainly because Mama and I are taking the bus. She didn’t want to drive all the way there. I thought I could convince my youngest son, since he hasn’t been apart from me. But he didn’t want to go. I think because his brothers aren’t going.

I have been talking about the trip with them, a lot more recently since I have been reminding them to do their chores, and also mine, while I’m away. And please don’t forget to flush the toilet. I don’t want to come home to a messy and stinking house, I would tell them. 🙂 I’d ask the youngest one if he’d miss me, he’d say that he won’t. Of course, he’s only pretending. I know he’s going to miss me. I will miss them, especially my baby the most.

Tonight, before he went to bed, he gave me the longest hug. I thought he was going to cry. But he didn’t. He’s a big boy now.

I’m excited about the trip. I need to get away from TH, even if just for a few days. Sometimes I feel that it’s sort of a sacrifice for me though to leave the boys behind. I know it’s just four days. But this is the first time I’m going to be away from them. It’s true that the two oldest ones had been away on band trips. But still. This time, I’m the one going away.

It’s 1:02 am now. I better go to bed. I have to get up at 6:00 am.

9:48 am

The bus was supposed to leave at 9:15 am, but we’re just pulling out of the terminal now. And aga pa naman naming dumating sa bus station. Mama wanted to be there at 8:00 am. So ang tagal naming naghintay duon. Just before 9:15 am, the bus driver of Jefferson Lines came inside the waiting area. She was wondering why nobody was getting on her bus. Well, we were waiting for the announcement. We didn’t hear anything.

Last night my youngest one asked me to wake him up before I leave in the morning. Eh masunuring bata ako, so I did. 🙂 I said goodbye to him, hugged him and kissed him on the cheeks three times. Hindi naman tumangi. Because he usually does.

1:25 pm

So we arrived at the Canada/US border at Emerson at around 11:15 am. All the passengers of the bus had to get out including luggage and all and check in with the US Customs. It shouldn’t have taken up more than half an hour, but we learned from the others that one of the passengers was called right away inside the office for questioning. The bus can’t leave while he’s there. At 12:15 pm, we all got on the bus again. The driver drove around a little bit and brought the problem passenger at the Immigration Office. She came with him in there. After about half an hour, they both came back in the bus. Mrs. Driver dropped off Mr. Passenger at a nearby inn. At first, Mr. Passenger wouldn’t get off the bus. You can’t go to the U.S., Mrs. Driver told him. I called my friends and asked them to pick me up there, he said. But they don’t want you hanging out at the Immigration Office, she said. They exchanged some more words. I could feel the tension among the other passengers. We’re already about a couple of hours behind schedule and I know some of them have to catch another bus at the next station and some at another station. Then thankfully, one of the passengers at the back came forward and spoke to Mr. Passenger in his language. I don’t know what Miss Passenger told him, but he finally got off the bus and now we’re on our way to U.S.

4:50 pm

We’re just leaving Fargo. We switched to a different bus. I’m thinking of calling home at the next stop if there’s a phone there. I’m not even sure if I can call long distance from a public phone. It’s been a long trip. Naiiyak ako. 😦 I miss my bunso, the others too, but him most especially.

It’s now July 8, 2009, Wednesday 12:50 am

We’re here now at Auntie D and Uncle Sparkie’s place. Arrived at around 12:30 am. Mama and I are sharing a bed in the basement.

Flashback: It was around past 9:00 pm when Mama asked one of the Filipino passengers in the bus if she could borrow her cell phone. We were supposed to be in Minneapolis at 7:50 pm and we were worried that Auntie D and Uncle Sparkie might have thought that we weren’t coming and have left. How could we go to their place and it’s two and a half hours drive from Minneapolis to McGregor? Luckily, Mama was able to get a hold of her and Auntie D told her that she has been worried and had called Winnipeg a few times already. She had confirmed that we have left that morning and so they hung around at the terminal but of course they were worried.

It was already 9:30 pm when we arrived at the bus station. After a few hugs, I asked Auntie D right away if I could borrow her cell phone so I could phone home. She said that she already called home and had let them know that we had called from the bus and we were delayed. I sort of felt bad that I wasn’t able to talk to the boys, but also nahihiya na rin naman ako dahil nakailang long distance na siya. I know the boys would have understood. I can’t sulk 😦 now because after all, I’m a big girl now.

Yours,
niceheart

Next time: My visit to Mall of America

My mommy guilt trips

I didn’t really like Megan Joy that much. Okay, I did like her when she sang Put Your Records On and Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. But after that she kinda went downhill. It’s Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert who have been my favourites since the auditions. And for the last three weeks, I’ve been swooning over Kris Allen. 🙂 But I was touched when Megan said goodbye last night on American Idol. When she said “Baby, Momma’s coming home,” and she started to cry. I got choked up, too. I knew that it has been hard for her to be away from her little boy. I didn’t like her ‘I don’t care attitude’ last night, but maybe there was a part of her, before the results were revealed, that wanted to go home anyway.

Well, you see, I have been having these mommy guilt trips lately. I have been working extra hours, staying late at work and sometimes working on the weekends, too. I am exhausted by the end of the week. Last Saturday, I thought I’d lie down for a bit when we came home from shopping. But I guess I was too tired and I didn’t budge when my 11-year-old son woke me up for supper. It was already around 9:00 pm when I got up to eat.

My son told me, “You slept long, mommy.”

“Yeah, I was so tired,” I told him. “Next time shake me harder when you wake me so I can have supper with you all.”

And also, the other night, I was telling my son that there are a lot of people away at work this week, most of them mothers.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because it’s spring break,” I said. “Maybe they have planned something with the family, or they probably just want to spend time with the kids.”

“Then why didn’t you take a vacation?” he asked.

“Well, I take all my vacation days in the summer when all of you are at home,” I said. “And then we could plan to go somewhere like when we went to Alberta that one summer.”

“Oh,” he said.

“Do you want me to take the week off on spring breaks?” I asked him.

“Nah,” he said.

Even with that answer, this conversation still made me feel kind of guilty.

I wonder if there would ever be an end to these mommy guilt trips.

He’s so dramatic

This is how it usually goes when I tuck my 10-year old son into bed.

Me: Okay Ryland, I can only stay for five minutes. I still have things to do.

Him: Oh, but I have to tell you my story, remember?

Me: Okay, but I’ll leave after you tell me your story.

So after about half an hour, I’m already itching to go to finish cleaning up in the kitchen or put away the laundry so I can finally sit down and watch TV or read my book.

Me: Two more minutes and I really have to go now.

Him: What? And leave your son in this cold dark place?

🙂

And of course I’ll end up staying a few more minutes.

So I wasn’t surprised when he came home from school one day and told me…

Him: Mommy, Mrs. Papa (not her real name) said I’m so dramatic. What does that mean?

🙂

Me: Dramatic. It comes from the word drama. You know what actors do when they act? They express their emotions. Like when they’re happy, you can see from their face that they’re happy. Or when they’re sad, or angry, you know.

Him: Yeah, yeah, I get it now.

Me: How come? Why did Mrs. Papa say you’re so dramatic?

Him: Because in Math, we have problem solving and I mixed up the numbers. Then I asked her if I have to do it all over again and she said yes. And then I said, hhaahh (he let out a sigh). And then she said, you’re so dramatic.

🙂

And he is. I can relate a few more instances, but I want to keep this post short. 🙂 I told him that he should sign up for Drama Club. But he wouldn’t. He thinks that it’s lame. I told him that I’d watch him perform. But I couldn’t convince him. 🙂

Getting ready for school

School starts in three days. Since last week, I’ve been trying to get the kids ready for school. I mean not just ready in getting school supplies and new school clothes and shoes, but also getting their bodies accustomed to going to bed early and getting up early. I would let them stay up late until 11:00 p.m. and let them get up at whatever time they would get up, sometimes even as late as 11:00 a.m. But last week, I made them go to bed at 10:00 p.m. and I’d wake them up at 8:00 a.m., with a phone call from my work. That was their alarm clock. But starting next week, they have to go to bed at 9:00 p.m. and I will wake them up at 7:00 a.m. before I even leave for work.

Speaking of school supplies, here are just some of the things from my fifth grader’s list that I found interesting:

1 package faint-lined 1/4″ or .5 size squared graph paper

When I first went shopping for school supplies, I only found the kind that’s on the right. The lines are kind of dark for me. But you see, I’m the kind of person that sticks to the rules, and when the list says faint-lined, I want to find a faint-lined one for my child. It’s also because I know why the list suggests faint-lined. After all, I’ve been a math student myself. The reason is so that you can see your pencil or pen markings better on the paper and not be overshadowed by the dark lines of the paper.

1 30 cm ruler (without inches) (metal or hard plastic)

This is the first time I’ve seen a 30 cm ruler (without inches) on the list. It’s true that we use the metric system here in Canada, but we usually measure things in inches, even the kids, and we’d just convert to cm, if that’s what’s called for. Most rulers that are sold here have inches on one side and centimetres on the other side. But we found a ruler without the inches. And had we not, my son could have used a ruler with both inches and centimeters.

1 calculator with 4 basic functions (+, -, x, ./.)

My son chose this one from the many calculators displayed on the rack. His basis for choosing it is the basic keys on the calculator. But look, it’s a Canon recycled calculator. It’s made from recycled Canon copier. I sure hope it does the work as the regular calculator.

And this one baffled me since I saw it on the list:

1 package end of pencil erasers

This is also the first time I’ve ever seen it on the list. What does that mean? End of pencil eraser? Do you take out the end of an old pencil? And he needs a package of it? How many in a package?

Well, I finally asked my sister whose son was in fifth grade last year and if he ever had to get this school supply. So she showed me what they look like.

They are these:

I couldn’t find a package of end of pencil erasers, but I found this kit, which has only 4 of those things. So I guess that would do for now.

Deodorant (no body spray) for gym

My son doesn’t smell yet, but I guess there are kids in fifth grade who already stink. 🙂

My son (we’re still talking about my fifth grader) was asking me a few weeks ago if I would be bringing him to school on the first day. You see, I have always walked with him to school on the first day of school since he started kindergarten. The students bring all their school supplies on the first day and their backpacks would be really heavy. Since he was still young and small, he needed help carrying his backpack. I was already working at home when he first started school and it was very convenient for me to start work late on those days. But I have gone back to work at the office and things are quite different now. At first I told him that I have to think about it and I might not be able to walk with him to school on the first day. I started a new position at work and I have a new supervisor now and I am not so sure how lenient she is. Besides, he would be walking with his cousins and my sister would be walking with them and she has this wagon where they could all put their heavy backpacks in. And my ever dramatic son said, “Oh, you don’t like your son anymore.” And I said, “Of course, I do like you.” I explained to him my situation. “Besides,” I continued, “I have always walked with you on the first day of school. This is the first time I won’t be there.” He said, “Huh, I thought it was only Tita Carol who comes with us.” I said, “What are you talking about, I have always been there.”

See, he doesn’t even remember that I have been there all those times. Well, anyway, I told him the other day that I can’t make it. He’s already a big boy and he will be with his cousins anyway.